5 Pieces of Advice for High School Parent Teacher Conferences

The greatest revelation for me as an educator occurred while attending my son’s parent teacher conference. My husband and I sat on teeny tiny pre-school sized chairs and listened to a kind, thoughtful educator outline the disruptive behaviors our four-year-old was having in class. This wasn’t news to us, but it was still disheartening. After that conference, I had a profoundly more empathetic perspective on every parent teacher conference I had ever had with parents of struggling students. Based on that experience as well as more than a few parent teacher conferences under my belt, here are five pieces of advice for high school parent teacher conferences:

1. Always start on a positive note

   
   

…and end on a positive note as well. There is something good that can be said about every one of your students. You may have a student who hasn’t turned in a single assignment all term and routinely sleeps in class, but they helped another student or stayed late to ask a question. Make sure that you can find something nice to say about every one of your students.

There are many reasons parents don’t attend parent teacher conferences; for example, work schedule, lack of childcare for younger children, or a language barrier. But one of the primary reasons parents don’t attend is that they don’t want to hear bad news about their child. They can log into the portal and see what assignments are/aren’t completed, so they imagine that attending is an invitation to hear a litany of bad news. Prove them wrong!

2. Give action steps

   
   

The parents who show up for parent teacher conferences are dedicated to their child’s educational success. Even though they’re busy, they made time to schlep to school and meet with teachers. These parents want to know what concrete steps their child needs to take to improve. (BTW, this is true for students who are successful in your class as well as those who are struggling. I have met with parents of straight A students who want to know how to help them do even better.) If you’re meeting with the parent of a student who has three outstanding assignments, prioritize the assignments and offer an outline of how to approach the assignments. Having manageable action steps helps everyone involved—parents, educators, students--to feel empowered.

3. Don’t be afraid to mention life outside the class

   
   

Parents appreciate having a full picture of their child’s life at school. So, if you saw their child sing at a school assembly, mention how you enjoyed the performance. Mention if you saw their child comfort a friend who was having a rough day. A student’s life at school is multi-faceted and as an educator you have the privilege of seeing aspects of students’ lives that parents don’t see. And, if you have any reason to suggest that their child is struggling socially/emotionally, it is appropriate to mention that and discuss support available at the school.

Sharing silly, perhaps seemingly inconsequential, anecdotes can go a long way towards showing parents that you’re the type of educator who sees the whole student—not just the name at the top of an exam paper. Hopefully, establishing yourself as this type of dedicated teacher will help you to ally yourself with the parent so that you can work as a team to support their child.

4. Don’t be pushed around by parents

   
   

Don’t allow a parent to pressure you into a grade change that isn’t deserved. Similarly, if you gave a student detention for a justifiable reason, you do not need to apologize for that. This is easier said than done. When I was a newbie teacher I taught at an elite international boarding school where parents traveled across the globe to attend parent teacher conferences. It’s hard to say no to a powerful parent who has just deplaned from a 15-hour flight and is now asking for their child’s exam score to be changed from a 90 to a 95. However, if you change the grade once, you’ll be asked to do it again, and this is a slippery slope. Call upon your department chairperson/admin team, if you feel you need support.

5. All parents love their kids and want them to succeed

   
   

You see your student as a 16-year-old person, but their parent sees them as both a 16-year-old and a five-year-old with an oversized backpack and gap-toothed grin on their first day of kindergarten. Their hearts are wrapped up in the child. Honor that relationship by seeing yourself as an ally who wants that student to succeed. Parents can become tearful at parent teacher conferences, and that’s okay. Find ways to communicate to parents that you are on their child’s side. Make clear when you are available for extra help, suggest a tutor who can offer extra assistance, and/or offer encouragement (“I’ve seen students bring their grade up by 20% and I know your child can do the same”).

For the most part, I love parent teacher conferences because they offer a perspective on my students that I don’t get every day in class. But I also acknowledge that they can be tricky to navigate at times. I hope these suggestions are helpful. Veteran teachers, what suggestions would you add to the list? Comment below.